Michigan Family Travel

Like many families in Michigan, going “Up North” has been a summer tradition in my family for as long as I can remember. As a child, I looked forward to the long car rides, full days at the lake, and perfecting my fishing technique in hopes of earning a coveted spot in the canoe with my dad.

When I became an adult and started my own family, I couldn’t wait to share those same experiences and begin building memories with my own kids. I thought: We just have to toss some clothes in a bag, hop in the car, and drive north. The rest will unfold into fun and lasting memories.

Well… that is, if you were my partner.

I, on the other hand, naturally took on the role of planner. What clothes do we need for cool nights and hot, sunny days? What kind of bug spray is effective against those thirsty Northern Michigan mosquitoes (I swear they are a different breed) and biting black flies, and safe for little bodies? How do we keep the kids entertained for an eight-hour car ride? Do we have life jackets that still fit? Swimsuits? Snacks? Pajamas? Bedtime comfort items?  Just writing this, I can feel the overwhelming load building.  

And that’s just the getting there part.

Once we arrived, the responsibility only continued: coordinating, planning and shopping for meals, planning naps around day trips, and keeping everyone fed, safe, and entertained. 

While I would spend weeks mentally preparing, list-making, and packing, my partner threw a few things in a backpack and slid into the driver’s seat. I’ll never forget the vacation when, on day two, he realized he’d only packed himself one pair of clean underwear.  We both learned some lessons that year.  

Any of this sound familiar, moms?

If so, you’re not alone. Research shows that even in today’s modern world, mothers routinely carry more than 70% of the household’s mental load, and I’d argue that percentage skyrockets during family travel. This imbalance contributes to heightened stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and strain on relationships. Perfect ingredients for a relaxing vacation, right?

The good news? It doesn’t have to stay that way.

Whether you’re a burned-out mom desperate for a new way to share the load or a partner who wants to show up more intentionally, here are some tips for managing the invisible mental load of family travel.

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Ask for Help. Offer Help.

Sounds simple, but this step is often skipped. If you’re the one carrying the load, you might assume your partner knows what needs to be done and is just choosing not to help. If you’re the partner, you might think, If they needed help, they’d ask.

Neither assumption is fair, or helpful. 

We can’t assume our partners know what we’re thinking if we haven’t told them in clear and direct words. 

Set aside dedicated, uninterrupted time before packing starts. Talk through what needs to happen, what tasks are on the horizon, and how you’ll divide them up.

Make a List (and Share It)

Write it down. On paper. In a shared Note. Wherever.

Because here’s the real magic… it invites others to take ownership.

It’s one less thing bouncing around your brain, and it also makes the load visible. That simple step alone can shift the entire dynamic while creating clarity and accountability.

Prepare What You Can – Then Let Go

No matter how hard you try, you can’t predict or plan for everything. Accept that some things will go sideways (and that’s okay). Do your best with what you know now. When something unexpected comes up, you’ll handle it in the moment and learn for next time.

Get Everyone Involved (Yes, Even the Kids)

Often, we take on everything because we believe we’re the only ones who can. The truth is that when we allow it, even the kids, depending on their age, can take on small, meaningful tasks. Ask them to pick a few books or car ride toys, or set out five T-shirts and three pairs of shorts for packing.

It lightens your load and helps them build responsibility and engagement.

Prioritize Your Needs, Too

I know, I know, this might sound like one more thing to plan. But go back to tip #1: talk about what you need.

If you’re already feeling overwhelmed before you leave, chances are that won’t magically disappear at your destination. Tell your partner and kids what you need:

A cared-for parent makes for a better trip – for everyone.

Family vacations shouldn’t require one person to carry it all. When we name the invisible load and actively work to share it, we create space for everyone, especially moms, to truly enjoy the moments we’re working so hard to create. 

The truth is: you deserve rest too. You deserve to feel like you’re on vacation – not just the vacation coordinator, lifeguard, chef, and crisis manager. You deserve to be part of the memories.  Not just the one making them possible.

When families intentionally shift toward shared responsibility, it not only lightens the emotional and logistical burden, it deepens connection, and builds a foundation where everyone can own responsibility for their needs.

So here’s to reimagining family travel with more ease, more support, and more moments where you get to exhale and enjoy it too.

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